Like melodrama is to drama, Mission Istanbul is to pointless style. What with super-dangerous and mega-powerful villains walking like they are on a ramp, only waiting for the hero to get to them and start a fist fight. So what if only minutes ago, they had thousands of guns and gunmen at their disposal?

Initially it did feel like there was some hope from the story writer, because the plot seemed non-standard. But ultimately, it’s just another power-maniac villain doing what he thinks is best to gain and maintain that power. The characters are like those in any typical action movie - the stereotypical hero, his partner and a bimbette. So, here we have these ingredients in the form of a wannabe smart-Alec, a pseudo geek and a cleavage.

Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit on the cleavage, so no need to rush to the theater yet, boys!

You know there’s no hope from the dialogue writer when two characters introduce themselves to each other by imitating James Bond. I can’t even say it’s downhill from there, because that’s pretty much the bottom of the hill.

It annoys me no end, when we have this really sharp villain who knows everything else but just can’t spot our super-suave hero - in broad daylight! This is where the coincidences start getting to me and I almost checked whether my ticket stub said Kismat Konnection!

When they show an ace journalist (Zayed Khan) as the only computer geek around, it just has to take the cake. By the way, this top-notch journalist of ours who loves danger has no clue that he can be bugged by the technically savvy villain. Fine, we can accept that the ‘top-notch’ bit is only the writer’s imagination. But, hasn’t this guy seen a single Hollywood action flick? *Grrrrr*

Speaking of stereotypes, another huge one is shoved down our throat, this time referring to an entire country. Is it really appropriate to show Afghanistan having an arms’ market that looks like a vegetable market in any nook and corner of India? She’s already a country in distress; do we need to show it worse than it is? And if it is indeed such a dangerous place what are tourists doing in the arms’ market!? Aah…these markets are actually tourist attractions! Got it!! Seriously people, journalists would have some kind of protection/back-up plan when entering such a place.

Also, I didn’t think the cinematographer in combination with the editor did justice to either Afghanistan or Turkey. The tourist spots were covered rather hurriedly. I understand, this is no travelogue, but the beauty/ruggedness of the places was taken away from my eyes even before it registered. And I know these places have these qualities because other movies have covered them better.

If only the camera focused more on recording these places as they deserve to be instead of accommodating style. Isn’t it high time we stop using slow motion to imply ’style’? But, it has some ‘laugh out loud’ value when Zayed Khan understands the seriousness of the mission at hand. He says, “he’ll need some equipment” and Vivek Oberoi and him pull out their sunglasses and put them on in … slo-mo!!

Interestingly enough, there was an attempt in the beginning to keep some continuity between the movie and the quintessential songs by say a one-liner like, “Work done, let’s party” (though the work didn’t look like it was done to me, but anyway…). Later they just gave up on their inhibitions and threw in a song. And yet had the gall to have a dialogue, “There’s no time for a love song!”

The cinematic liberty of placing songs randomly, the 1000 coincidences that it takes to make this movie, the unreal characters all go to show how seriously they take the “All characters in this film are fictitious, any resemblance to any person dead or alive is coincidence” warning.

 - Meetu, a part of the audience